SOUNDS OF SILENCE

I participated in a three-day silent retreat this week at the Loretto MaryHolme retreat centre over in the Keswick area of Lake Simcoe.

My tongue was intentionally silent for a short period of time...only 46 hours.  Up until a few years ago, I lived by myself.  If I am alone, being silent is not a burden.  Being silent around others is a challenge; we are social animals, and there is an expectation that the space between us will be filled with conversation.  At Maryholme, that silent space was honoured, uncomfortable and awkward though it might have been.  Instead of words, a smile or a nod served for speech.

In silence, I did not expect was the surge of activity in my mind.  It was like my brain was taking advantage of my tongue at rest.  Aside from times of sleep (I did not dream, near as I know), ideas and thoughts cascaded through my mind - it was all I could do to make note of what was worthwhile saving for later.

The retreat felt like I was giving myself permission to step away from the crash and muddle of everyday life.  At Maryholme, the routine is simple, slow and, of course, silent.  The retreat was a combination of familiar and new.  Meals were home cooked by an in-house chef, but self-served.  I ate in the presence of others, but I ate alone and in silence.  I walked in a 100-acre forest, sometimes alone and sometimes in company - the sounds of the trees, the crunch of snow and the occasional crow intruding on my silence.

In my room was a vintage cast iron claw foot bathtub, one of those ones with the gently sloping back that seems to fit a reclining posture perfectly.  Yesterday, I filled it with hot water to soak for more than an hour while reading.  The bright morning sun was shining over my shoulder through the bathroom window.  I occasionally ran the water to restore its warmth, and I stayed in it until my skin was wrinkled like a prune.  It was my first bath in decades - I'm a shower man.

What did I think about?  I thought about me and you and us, about them and they, and certainly I thought about it and nothing.  I thought about everything.

If you ask me what it was like, I won't be able to explain it to you.  You wouldn't recognize it.  My best response will be: Give it a try.

Pat

Take This Away With You

You cannot fix yourself by breaking someone else.