Monday, 7 July 2014

LIFE DECISIONS

There are days when I think my life is largely made up of the decisions I make and then living the outcomes.  That might sound a bit bleak, but there's more than just a kernel of truth in it.  

One aspect of the human condition setting us apart from most of the other animals on the planet is the ability (perhaps I should say "need") to make decisions.  There will be some people who argue that it's possible to live without making decisions (what kind of life would that be?), but the philosopher in me says that living without making decisions is a decision in itself.  I cannot live without taking decisions, exercising the freedom of choice with which I was born.  There is something god-like in that statement - perhaps it is one meaning of the phrase, "man was made in the image of God," the ultimate decision-maker.

Some of us are faced with monumental decisions; others, perhaps the lucky among us, deal only with the minor every-day decisions of life.  But that too, is a matter of perspective.  I know that I can agonize for days about mundane matters, bouncing back and forth between options, stalling and backing away from the point of decision.  Conversely, on momentous issues, the decisions can come quickly and easily, without a lot of conscious deliberation.

I recently heard the Moderator of the United Church of Canada speak in Toronto.  He talked about the challenge of being church in these modern days of spectacle, times of turmoil and chaos, these days of endless conflict and change.  At some point in his discourse, he reflected on making hard decisions and he recited this poem from memory:

Decisions

Between two words
choose the quieter one.

Between word and silence
choose listening.

Between two books
choose the dustier one.

Between the earth and the sky
choose a bird.

Between two animals
choose the one who needs you more.

Between two children
choose both.

Between the lesser and the bigger evil
choose neither.

Between hope and despair
choose hope:
it will be harder to bear.
by Boris Novak (translated by Dintinjana)

At the time, I was struck mostly by Gary Patterson's ability to quote poetry, and the lines that stayed with me were the last stanza about hope and despair.  But, I found some time to retrieve the whole poem from an on-line source and when I read it over again, something else important emerged.

As a decision maker, I am prone to thinking in binary terms:  yes-or-no, on-or-off, open-or-closed.  I think I share that tendency with most people.  But this Croatian poet elegantly relates a third way to look at life and the decisions it requires...a middle way, I might call it, a loving way.  That term, the middle way, is one that is familiar to those who practice meditation in all its many forms - so, no credit to me for using it.  It is however, an apt description of an alternative to binary thinking...or what others refer to as the all or nothing approach.

The middle way is one of balance - precarious at times, but still attainable.  I sense that in my searching for the Spirit in my life, it will find me at the point of balance.  I think that the Divine is most discernable in that state of balance.  I think that everything important to human happiness is found at the point of balance; I know that I am least at peace when I am unbalanced.  I think that it is love that brings me back to balance.

The most precious commodities on earth are not gold, silver, platinum or oil.  They are balance and love.


<>< Pat

Friday, 4 July 2014

LOVING THE UNLOVABLE

During Lent this year, my brother Thom suggested that we reflect on where we see the presence of God in the world.  He was more successful in sticking to that theme than I was.  But I still think about that - where I see, discover or sense the presence of the Spirit in my life.  I've come to learn that for me, this needs to be an intentional act; I have to actively seek out the Divine in my life.  I think that is because my life and our society are so full of busy-ness and spectacle, my ability to see the quiet, steady presence of God is diminished.  To find God in my life, I need to search for it, reach out for it, dig for it. 

Maybe it has always been hard for humans to find the Spirit, even back in early times.  Jesus taught his followers that it was simple, but those closest to him found it a hard path to follow.  And, so do I...every day, my actions and thoughts make it a difficult journey.

Recently, I've been dealing with a demanding situation calling on me to be intentional about seeking the presence of the Spirit.  This situation is full of emotion - a mix of positive energy coming out of change, accompanied by negative shadows in the background...a potent mixture of one part disdain, one part spite, one part anger and a dash of hatred thrown in for seasoning.  I'm aware of this negative side to things and I feel it colouring how I deal with the situation.  This negative side is mostly focused at a particular person (that is so human!) and what makes it even easier to focus on this is my sense that somehow I've been betrayed.  That sense is so strong, it threatens to take over my judgment, to throw me off balance and plunge me into a whirlpool of vindictiveness and rash behaviour.

Enter my brother Thom; Thom the Good, Thom the Balanced, Thom - my lens for seeing the presence of the Spirit in life.  Thom sent me a reflection that was about loving the unlovable.  It was a short reminder of how Jesus asked his followers to act; that word "act" is important, that's what Jesus expected - he wanted us to walk the talk.  He taught that I need to love others as I love myself, to treat them as I would be treated.  Even if they are unlovable or do unlovable things, I am called by the Spirit to be loving.  Whew!  Simple words that are hard to follow.

But, when I think about it, the sense of it becomes evident.  To love another as I love myself is one of those double-edged actions...an action that is reciprocal.  If my action is negative for the other, I will experience the negative too.  If it's loving for the other, I too will experience the loving.  If I cannot love the other, how can I love myself?

In terms of this demanding situation I'm dealing with, I think I was coming back to ground on my own; but, Thom's reflection served to remind me of how I need to act.  Tough decisions are easier when they are not influenced by negative factors like spitefulness, anger and hatred.  Those feelings are as damaging to me as they are to the other.  So, I need to set them aside and get on with loving the unlovable.  Something Divine can happen then: solutions that were invisible suddenly become obvious.  Not easy, but do-able, God being my helper.


<><Pat

Friday, 27 June 2014

DECLARATIONS OF A FAITH COMMUNITY - FROM THE WISDOM OF LOUISE PENNY AND CHIEF INSPECTOR ARMAND GAMACHE

Today, my brother Thom sent me (and many others on his mailing list) a daily reflection taken from "The Message", a paraphrasing of the Bible.  It was based on 1 Corinthians 16:13-14, verses that give us this: "Keep your eyes open, hold tight to your convictions, give it all you've got, be resolute, and love without stopping."  Thom called them "good words", and it took me all day to recognize why they are so good.  These are a declaration of what it takes to be a member of a faith community - in our case, a community of Christian faith.

Thom wrote further in his reflection, reminding all of us that when we slip (it's inevitable that we will), there is a sense of the Spirit setting us back on track.  Thom says he hears the whispered words, "Try again."  "While we may not always be resolute, the Spirit is.  While we may not always love without stopping, the Spirit does.  While we may not always hold on tight, the Spirit does.  One day, God willing, keeping our eyes open, holding tight to our convictions, giving all we've got, being resolute and loving without stopping will become second nature.  Until that time though, thank goodness for second chances and forgiveness.  Knowing we have unlimited second chances and forgiveness without bounds, lets us relax and at least hold a bit tighter. Love without stopping today, if you can, friends, and peace." ---so writes my brother, Thom.

I don't know where my brother gets the inspiration for his reflections; he would likely tell you it is from the Spirit.  More often than not, I get my inspiration from popular culture...from reading. Such is the case now, when I offer to you, four necessary declarations for members of a faith community.  These declarations are from a book written by Canadian author Louise Penny, spoken by her primary character Chief Inspector Gamache, Homicide Division of the Sûreté Du Quebec.  In that book, Gamache tells one of his subordinates that in order to become a competent detective, one must learn these four declarations:

                     I don't know.
                                          I need help.
                                                              I was wrong. 
                                                                                     I'm sorry

I don't know - it's alright to admit to uncertainty, to be openly questioning about aspects of my faith.  I have doubts every day, especially when it comes to faith in action, faith in day-to-day circumstances.  I usually get by okay on Sunday, but every other day of the week, it's a challenge to live up to the teachings of Jesus.  It's hard to be a disciple - the Way isn't easy.  There are times when I feel the pressure to act, to act in a way that feels uncomfortable to me.  Admitting that I don't know is the first step for me to discern what form my faith should take.

I need help - man oh man, do I need help!  This might be the biggest of the four for me.  It's always been an issue for me to trust in others, to welcome their aid and assistance.  I'm strong, I'm self-sustaining, I'm independent...all that sort of thing.  Sooner or later, in whatever life I lead, I find just how inadequate I am, just how much I need others.  I'm learning to recognize where and when I need God to be my helper.

I was wrong - I dread having to say those three words, but when I do, the sense of relief and opportunity to make amends is huge - they are the reward I receive when I face another and admit to error.  If I ever need to make a fresh start in a relationship, in a project or in life, "I was wrong", is the best way to begin.

I'm sorry - it's fashionable right now to make fun of people who say, "I'm sorry", too much.  I guess there can come a point where when it's said so often it loses it's meaning.  I have to say though, it's the first step to forgiveness...and it's a hard step to take.  I know people who cannot bring themselves to say it.  In a family of faith, where things get said and done that can be hurtful, being able to declare that I'm sorry is an essential aspect of belonging.  In the community, it ought to be easy to say this, and it ought to be be received with grace.

I've been thinking about these four declarations for over a month now and it's just today that I recognize that they aren't intended to be used in isolation from each other (I wonder if I skipped that in the book?).  At the very least, they work in pairs...probably, they work best when all four are integrated and applied daily. Being an active member of a faith community isn't easy and the further I get involved, the more challenges I face.  It forces me to be honest where I would rather not, to admit to weakness and uncertainty, more than I wish.  It calls on resources I might have held back, and to work with people who stretch my character.  I'm learning a new normal with every step I take on the Way.

<>< Pat



Wednesday, 23 April 2014

THE DESCENDING WAY

I recently read a short little book by Henri Nouwen, titled "Letters to Marc about Jesus".  Nouwen wrote seven letters to his nephew Marc, with the aim of providing some spiritual direction to this young man who was making his way in a world that is increasingly lacking in spiritual opportunities. 

The letters are composed at a time when Nouwen himself was discerning his own spiritual call; he was working with Canadian Jean Vanier in one of the L'Arche communities in France.  Eventually, he came to Canada to work at L'Arche Daybreak in the Richmond Hill area.  But, enough of the book review and history.

One piece of spiritual advice that Nouwen offers his nephew is to follow Jesus' path on the descending Way.  He goes to some length to explain what he means by "descending", focusing on the theme of Jesus' demonstrated relationship to others: a relationship of humility, servant-hood, shared suffering, shared joy.  It was a new way of being in community, a community built on compassion.


Nouwen expresses his understanding that Jesus demonstrated and taught his disciples that God's love would take them downwards into grief, pain and sorrow, a descending journey where they would encounter those who were hurt, damaged and crushed.  It was in this place, with these people, that God's love would be found, and where God's work would be done.  Those that followed Jesus would do that work, God being their helper.  In that work, the ascending Way would be shown.

Nouwen's letter about the descending Way frames a challenge that I'm not certain I can handle.  Frankly, I don't know if my faith is strong enough to do what he suggests; I don't think I have the heart for it and I'm fearful of failure.  Nouwen declares that it is not enough to stand on the high ground I've chosen and extend a hand to those below.  It's not enough to offer money when it's my hand, my heart and my soul that's needed. 

Nouwen says that the descending Way cannot be travelled by proxy and God's love cannot be experienced at arm's length. Nouwen recognized in himself, the brokenness, the damaged and hurtful parts that were keeping him from God's love; he was convinced that it was the descending Way of love that would allow him to return to living fully.

I have heard this message, or a similar message, from other spiritual leaders.  If you want to find Jesus, go to where the hurt is.  Intuitively, I get the rightness of it; but, it's a major step away from the comfortable place that I have chosen.  I have a sense that in taking the descending Way, I will leave one community behind while encountering another.  One thing that I'm afraid of is that I cannot have a foot in both communities - that I will have to make a choice.  The other fear that lurks in my mind is what I will find out about myself on that journey...at the very least, an imperfect version of myself.  Who will accompany me on the Way, and who will I meet when I get there?

I suppose the other challenge (it's actually another fear) is that I do not know...I'm not allowed to know, how the journey will unfold.  I'm not even certain if it will end.  Can I take it slowly, one step at a time ?  Or, will it be like sitting down on a playground slide and letting go - no stopping until you get to the bottom?  For someone who prides himself on map reading and navigation skills, this would truly be a journey into the unknown.  All it takes is one, deliberate first step.


Pat<><

Friday, 11 April 2014

CAN I SEE THROUGH NEW EYES?

There are days when I despair.  I haven't got a lot to despair about, but somehow, that feeling creeps in.  There's nothing like despair to change how you see the world, to tint your outlook with the taint of hopelessness.  It's like someone whispering in your ear, "quit fighting it, let someone else worry about it, give it up." 

When this is happening, it is like seeing the world through "old" eyes.  I mean old eyes not in the sense of learning from the past, honouring traditions and that sort of thing.  The old eyes I'm talking about are those that see everything through filters of disappointment, anger, hurt, suspicion...even hatred.  These are eyes that have given up, given in.

A life fully lived demands that I see through "new" eyes.  Through these eyes, I will have a deeper, truer understanding of myself and other human beings.  These eyes will accept imperfections as part of the human condition.  The lenses of these eyes are hope, patience, joy and love.  These are welcoming eyes, open to possibility, embracing all that life brings.

By seeing through new eyes, I make a commitment to get rid of all the things that prevent me from living fully.  In Colossians 3, those restrictive, inhibiting traits are listed: anger, wrath, malice, slander, abusive language, lying to one another.  The list is long.

Seeing through new eyes, I strip off those old ways and replace them with a renewed outlook that is based on hope and love.  I want this outlook to turn my life around to a new direction.  I know there will be times when I will slip back into the manner of seeing with old eyes, but God being my helper, those relapses will be fewer and shorter in number.  New eyes will be the norm.

We all have negative days, but that doesn't mean we are pessimistic.
We all do stupid things, but that doesn't mean we are stupid.
It is important to be able to distinguish between what happens to us and who we are,
and, to look forward with hope for new and better days ahead.  Lindsey Stirling.

 Pat<><

Thursday, 3 April 2014

NEW PEOPLE OF GOD

For some unexplained reason, over the past month, I have been confronted by writing and philosophy related to collapse and catastrophe.  It seems that every direction I turn, I stumble over responses to the question of what to do when things fall apart.  The following passage is taken from The Message, the Bible in Contemporary Language.  I came across it while researching some lectionary resources for the Lenten reflection project that I have been working on with my brother Thom and photographer Bob McGauley.

This is commentary preceding the book of Ezekiel - a major prophet during the time of Israel's invasion by the Babylonians.  It is in that ancient context that Ezekiel wrote his story.  If you have a good teaching bible, it's worth reading all of Ezekiel.

Catastrophe strikes and a person's world falls apart.  People respond variously, but two of the more common responses are denial and despair.  Denial refuses to acknowledge the catastrophe.  It shuts its eyes tight or looks the other way; it manages to act as if everything is going to be just fine; it takes refuge in distractions and lies and fantasies.  Despair is paralyzed by the catastrophe and accepts it as the end of the world.  It is unwilling to do anything, concluding that life for all intents and purposes is over.  Despair listlessly closes it eyes to a world in which all the colour has drained out, a world gone dead.

Among biblical writers, Ezekiel is our master at dealing with catastrophe.  When catastrophe struck in 6th century BC...denial was the primary response.  Ezekiel found himself living among a people of God who stubbornly refused to see what was right before their eyes (the denial crowd).  There were also others who refused to see anything BUT what was right before their eyes (the despair crowd).

The denial people refused to see that the catastrophe was in fact catastrophic.  How could it be?  God couldn't let anything bad happen to them.  The despair people, overwhelmed by the devastation, refused to see that life was worth living.  How could it be?  They had lost everything.

Ezekiel showed the denial crowd that, yes, there was catastrophe, but God was at work in the catastrophe, that they would be able to embrace God in the worst of times...especially in the worst of times.  He showed the despair people that God was and would be at work in the wreckage and rubble, to create a new people of God. 

Whether through denial or despair, the people of God nearly lost their identity as a people of God.  But they didn't.  God's people emerged from that catastrophic century robust and whole.


Pat<><

Sunday, 30 March 2014

PRAYER FOR COURAGE

O Saviour, who didst set thy face steadfastly to go to Jerusalem to thy Cross and passion: help us, thy weak and wavering disciples, to be firm and resolute in doing those things that lie before us.

Help us to overcome difficulties and to persevere in spite of failures.

When we are weary and disheartened and ready to give in, do thou fill us with fresh courage and strength, and keep us faithfully to our work; for thy name's sake.  

Amen

Taken from the Divine Service Book for the Armed Forces, 1950.