FAILURE, MY FRIEND

Last winter, soaking in a bathtub of steaming hot water, I read a book* by Buddhist nun and teacher Pema Chödrön.  The book is full of wise advice for leaning into the unknown.  She poses the question: "What do we do when life doesn't go the way we hoped?  We say, I'm a failure.' " 

I don't know anyone who is happy with failure; I'd do just about anything to avoid it.  I doubt that I will ever embrace failure as a positive force in life, but I'm being pushed that way.  Everywhere I have turned the last six weeks or so, I have been nudged to change my outlook on failure.  I'm encouraged to be "willing to fail, but unwilling to quit", and, "imagine what I might achieve if I knew that I couldn't fail." 

The problem with all of this is that failure can often result in a fear of trying again.  Fear is a powerful emotion that shapes everything it touches.  How do I get over that?  Pema Chödrön offers this story in her book*:

An older couple living in the country have two things that are precious to them: their horse and their son.

The reason the horse and the son are precious to them is because they need them to survive and farm the land and to tend to everything that needs to be done.  The horse does a lot of work, and the son does a lot of work.  They live in a small village, and their horse, this well trained stallion, runs away, so the wife and all the people in the village say, "OMG! This is definitely the worst thing that could happen.  This is terrible.  This is the worst thing."  The old man says, "Maybe yes, maybe no."

The very next day, the stallion returns with a mare.  That's why he ran away.  So he returns with a mare and now they have two horses.  And the wife and all the people in the village say, "Wow! This is the best thing that could have possibly happened.  This is such good fortune.  Now you have these two horses.  This is amazing!  This is so wonderful!"  And the old man says, "May yes, maybe no."

The next day, the son decides that he needs to tame the mare because she is a wild horse, and in trying to tame her, he gets thrown and breaks his leg.  You can imagine what the wife and the rest of the village said.  "Oy vey.  Why us? This is the worst thing that could happen.  This is a catastrophe."  And by now you know what the old man said: "Maybe yes, maybe no."

The next day, the army comes in and takes away all the young, able-bodied men to fight in the war.  The wife and the villagers really haven't gotten the message that I am trying to get through to you; they are still just blown around by outer circumstances.  When circumstance goes up, they are overjoyed.  When it goes down, they feel their life is over.  But the old man says, "Maybe yes, maybe no."

I need to be more like that old man.  Life brings us many things.  Whether they are good or bad isn't the point...it's just life and what we will make of it.

Pat

Take This Thought Away With You

"This moment is complete just as it is;

I'm complete just as I am;

things are whole and fine just as they are."

~ *Pema Chödrön, Fail - Fail Again - Fail Better,

Sounds True Publishing, 2015 ~